Fab Fridays: Self Esteem and Hobbies - Love yourself!

Self Esteem is defined as feeling pride in yourself. And how does one feel proud? Usually it is by feeling pleasure for an achievement or skill. I personally can relate to this feeling of pride when dancing on stage, and now more than ever, I feel proud when watching my students grow in the dance studio or perform on stage.  Self esteem is a delicate attribute to grow in every child, adult and living being. As it can translate over into relationships, jobs, school, everything! Why not help build your self esteem by nurturing a new or perhaps old hobby today - such as dance!

Below are the ways I have implemented nurturing self-esteem for each student in my classes:

• Positive encouragement!!! I have learned that positive encouragement can do much more than negative reinforcement. For instance constantly telling a student what they are doing incorrectly, I have learned that encouraging their strengths helps them better focus on improving their weaknesses. How does an instructor do this? For one, if the student is a new student, they are usually going to feel overwhelmed and intimidated by the class and other students- especially if this is their first dance class ever. It is extremely important for the instructor to be more supportive of the child and their ability - especially in the first few sessions. This will help the instructor earn the student's trust and even more - it will help the student feel accepted. Once this trust and support has been established, now we must congratulate each little win by the student and help them constantly improve. Helpful phrases like this one can make all the difference: 'Wow, you are extending your legs extremely well. Now imagine how great your leg extension would be if you practiced at home'.
• Look Up!!!! I can't tell you enough how many times students tend to look at the floor instead of eye level. It is my personal goal in each class to help each student look straight at themselves in the mirror or straight at me at all times. Looking up is a simple way to help each student feel more confident and they usually do it when they support themselves as a person and feel supported by everyone else in the room...which leads me to the next point.
• Positive Environment!! There are a lot of evils in the world that can easily find it's way in the classroom, such as judgement, comparison, gossip, conceit, etc. I am extremely sensitive to such behavior and never let such things slide. I believe it is each instructor's responsibility to teach not only through their expertise but also through their character. How can a dancer grow individually, and explore all their inner talents without any inhibitions - if they are being judged or criticized. We must create a positive environment. How? Well for one, all my line leaders in the kids' classes give each other high five when doing technique across the floor. This helps them learn that great leaders must always support their team. Another idea, perform for each other, have each person watching give the performers at least one compliment. :)

How do you help people around you build their self esteem? Let's try to compliment at least one person today because higher self esteem in people around us will help us build a better world - one by one! Make a difference. 

Love yourself and help spread more Love in the world that we live in.

Life Class in Dance Class: Help each other help each other

Being in a group environment can be difficult. You deal with several personalities and emotions, and you are often in a vulnerable situation. Since I am rather sensitive to others' feelings, I believe it is essential to help foster that environment in classes. If a child laughs when someone messes up a dance step, we need to make sure to ask them "how do you think that made them feel?" to help them understand how hurtful their reaction can be and that they shouldn't act in that way again. We also perform for each other in small groups in class, and I watch the audience more than the performers at times to make sure they are being a good audience by paying attention and applauding. A support system is needed everywhere in our lives, and it is especially needed in our dance classes because it ensures the best environment for the students to do and become their best.

A student once accidentally stepped on another student's foot, causing them to trip. This 4 year old girl started crying, but when the other student responded with an "I'm sorry", the little girl stopped crying and said "It is okay." I realized not only is it important for us to say Sorry but it is equally as important for the other person to let the one at fault know that it is okay. This 4 year old girl had accepted a life lesson that all of us should learn and remember in our day to day lives.

Life Class in Dance Class: How Do You Face Challenges?

Life throws challenges at us every single day, some more difficult than others. Sometimes we decide to pick and choose which battles we want to fight. But it is important to realize that sometimes, the way we face even the smallest challenges reflects the way you will face the greatest challenges. Just like building muscles, confidence and habits take time to build as well!

In class, I challenge my students with pushups and splits, which is difficult even for the most physically fit. I had one student who constantly gave up after one or two pushups when tasked with doing three sets of 10; she would choose to laugh and smile after giving up every time. Of course I understand that children need time to build their muscles to do all 10 pushups, let alone three sets of them! But this was about four months into our course, and I knew this student had it in herself to do more than two.

So I finally stopped the class to address the issue. I told her - "If you give up so easily on doing 10 pushups, it is going to reflect on how you handle challenges outside of this studio. You are enabling a habit that will follow you for the rest of your life. Start creating the muscles of your mind and do not give up so easily."

The student nodded and we continued. The student completed ALL TEN PUSHUPS. I was so proud and thrilled and saw the same expression on her face. She learned the value of putting in the effort, even if it means you'll fail before reaching the goal. But she learned that if she sets her standards high, she can be the person she wanted to be - whether it is by herself, in front of a classroom or at a dance studio!

This student taught me the importance of being a teacher, even though I am teaching the art of dance, I have 1 hour in each class to find opportunities to help my dear students build skills that they can hopefully use for the rest of their lives. We have to keep paying it forward!

Life Class in Dance Class: The Power of a Smile

What's in a smile? I teach students from all kinds of backgrounds and have noticed a beautiful commonality in every child, family, area, and school - the universal language and power of a smile. 

Children may have a bad day at home, I may have a rough day, or we might be tired from other things weighing us down, but during the short time that I am with my students, I make sure that SMILING is #1 on my list, both on my face and the faces of my students. When my children share their happiness with me, I forget all my troubles and focus on the moment,  and I reach out to give them the same every day. Because we all need a break sometimes, and often when I take a step away from my troubles (even if it's only for the length of a dance class), I find that my troubles are easier to deal with!

I had a mother share a story with me about her child and how she wrote a paper in school saying that she loves and appreciates her mother so much. What stood out to me in what this little girl wrote is that she mentioned how her mom smiles all the time and that makes her happy. Who would have thought such a little thing would be appreciated so much that she would write about it? The power of a smile can be underestimated and it affects our children more than we realize. Make sure to smile a little extra today and see what happens!

Life Class in Dance Class: The Best Version of Your Child

Do not tell your children to become the best there ever was. Do not tell your children to aim for gold.

Tell them to become the best version of themselves. Tell them to challenge themselves, using only themselves as a measure of success.

I have noticed that often parents will instill a competitive nature in children. This is not a misguided goal, because setting children up with skills and habits that will bring them success in life is the best gift a parent can give. However, this often mistakenly takes the form of negative reinforcement in disguise. For one child to win, the majority must lose, and while that may seem like a great incentive to work harder, it creates a history of failure. You might be setting up your child for a cycle of hard work fueled by regret, anxiety or anger from losing.

Instead, set them up for success! By aiming to become the best version of themselves, they focus on their own improvement and celebrate success using only themselves as a measure. They embrace their unique skills and individuality instead of imitating others, which leads to better self-esteem. As an instructor, I always try to emphasize hard work, humility, and patience so my students can become the best version of themselves, without comparison to others. Positive reinforcement, all the way!

November Life Class in Dance Class

This month, I will be writing a series of blogs called 'Life Lessons in the Dance Studio' from the perspective of the students I teach. We reveal who we are the most when we are challenged, and I am blessed to be able to observe children in my classes and take some life lessons for myself from them as well.

Many times I see that children are more focused on where they are standing in the formation than their own technique. Often they worry about whether they're in the front or in the center. When dancing across the floor and learning a new technique, they pay more attention to the rest of the students' reactions to what they are doing than actually just focusing on themselves and refining their movements. Why? Why is our focus so skewed from such a young age?

These are habits and beliefs formed in the subconscious mind that can show up EVERYWHERE. And since I believe that what you focus on is what you will get - I aim to change my students' focus. I aim to clear out the distractions and help them love themselves and gain confidence instead of letting their emotions be dependent on whether they are in the center-front or if the other student approves of how they are dancing. As family, friends, mentors, and peers, we can help children understand that they are doing a wonderful job regardless of where they measure up in a group, and that it doesn't matter if they are center-front or not. If they just focus on being the best dancer they can be, people will watch them even if they are all the way in the back. 

Hard work matters and it will get recognized. But we must first start with their soul and make sure they love themselves enough to clear out all the gunk and just focus on their own beauty!

Please join me every Monday this month for more Life Lessons!

Life Changing Moment #3:Becoming Fearless

It took burning out to realize that I was living a fearful life.

I was living a picture perfect life programmed by society: Go to school, listen to your parents, seek approval, meet expectations, get A's, receive recognition,  go to college, graduate, get a job, support yourself, get married, have kids... you know the spiel. I don't mean to dismiss any of the above. I just didn't like the fact that I didn't question this programmed behavior and in so never found myself and my own compass. I faked myself into a false sense of fulfillment.

However, due to my wonderful family, friends, and teachers, I acquired an AWESOME skill - critical thinking. I challenged ideas, I thought about everything - always. But I never had the guts to do anything about it until this 'Making point' in my life. I would have loved to major in dance, yet never did it because it was not looked highly upon and I felt I had something to prove because people saw me as an “intelligent” person. I graduated with an Engineering degree, while dancing in as many college teams and clubs as I could. I had great work offers – engineering related - straight out of college and so, off I went into a high achieving career.

I remember bringing up the idea to my parents about taking a break to pursue dance. I could sense their hesitation and fear. My dad frankly asked me why would I risk it when I had a great job and salary. I followed his advice for about three years. But soon enough I realized how determined I was, so I did it.

Below is a picture of me in my element with the 

NDM troupe at a Vitamin Water commercial shoot! 

The truth is - I was lucky. I was blessed to be at a point where I had saved some money. I learned the power of visualizing your goals, so that I had the strength to stop making decisions solely by fear. I was not fulfilled at my job, I knew the amount of money I needed to live, I knew that any materialistic thing will never make me as happy as having the TIME to do what I want and spend time with the people I love. I knew what I believed in, I had identified my priorities, my sources of happiness and unhappiness. Most importantly, I understood the power of action!

So off I went to an adventure in which for the first time, I chose uncertainty, insecurity and passion - I quit my job and went after my dream to dance! But I was not alone, I had the strongest tools of all – Wisdom and Faith! And I realized that it was not luck, but destiny that I had created by taking charge of my own life. Everything in my life had prepared me for this exact moment. 

Steve Jobs summarized the power of destiny, wisdom and faith best: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” 

So yes - it was about choosing to be fearless. However, there was so much more to this decision than just being fearless. Because you can't be rash and stubborn without knowing what you believe in. Next time... Knowing what you believe in.

What has living a fearful life led you to do?

Life Changing Moment #2: Taking a break

Life Changing Moment #2: Taking a break

After 3 years of working with my College Degree as an IT Consultant, I reached a breaking point. Looking back now, I would call this time in my life a 'MAKING point', for it has made me who I always wanted to be. But it certainly didn't feel like that back then.

Work was burning me out at an exponential rate. Although I loved my job and the people I worked with, I didn't feel fulfilled. I was also dealing with personal problems with myself and my family. All this pushed me to take a Leave of Absence from my job. It seemed like an impulsive decision, but I do have a rule that I should only act if I still feel the same way after 2 weeks. And so, I did! 

I took my 3 month leave and left for the only place I wanted to be at that moment - Home in Chicago! I reflected, talked to friends and family, wrote, cried, read, traveled, and finally came to the conclusion that I have been living my life by making decisions based on fear. I had an awesome career, I was well on my way to promotion and on the leadership track of the company, I was completely financially secure, I was in shape, I had just finished paying off my own car - basically, I was set!. Yet... I was unhappy! Why? Because I made so many decisions just based on fear!

Next time... my Life Changing Moment #3: Becoming Fearless.

Are you acting upon fears or desires? Share your story or just share a moment? :)

Life Changing Moment #1: The Secret

One year out of college and just starting our careers, my good friend, Eve Torres, and I watched The Secret together. It was a movie from 2006 that highlighted a concept called 'the Law of Attraction'. It is a belief that there are steps that one can take to "attract" everything that one could want and need. The three steps were: believing in an outcome, thinking repeatedly about the outcome, and remaining positive about the outcome.

We were inspired by the idea of visualizing your goals and dreams into reality. At that point in our lives, we had lofty goals and a wide open future ahead of us, but actually identifying our goals was something we had not done up until then. We also loved the idea of a conscious or subconscious reminder of these goals EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, that could act as a guide in our daily pursuit of these goals.

Eve created a vision board and posted it over her bed so that she would see it every day. My goal list consisted of bullet points (that is how I like to work hahahah) and I posted the list right next to my desk - which at that point in my life as an IT consultant - was where I was almost 99% of the time!

The remarkable outcome of that little project we took on was that at the end of the year, we both had achieved most, if not all, of the goals! I was so proud and so amazed that I have created that list ever since and now take pictures of my list yearly as proof that it works!

Maybe someday I will share my list. But right now, it is very personal to me.

It was amazing to see how easy it can be to achieve your goals or better yet - your DREAMS! It took a lot of hard work, but identifying them was the first step, reminding yourself of them the next, and taking action every day in one way or another is the final step. The intangible power of the subconscious is also so overwhelming and totally incomparable. Try it out if you haven't already! IT WORKS!

What are your goals? How do you make sure that you are pursuing them?